How to Stop Emotional Eating When You are Grieving

I wanted to share a great story about a client who found an alternative to eating her way through grief and mourning. This client consented to offer this story in hopes that it will help those who are grieving over one of the many losses we all experience. I’ll refer to this client as Sharon (of course you know it’s not her real name).

Sharon experienced a loss that was not only sad but complicated, frustrating, and far reaching in her personal and extended world. I won’t explain the details, but it was more than she had ever imagined experiencing. Losses come in so many shapes and forms: Death, divorce, job loss, illness, betrayal, and more than could ever be listed.

One morning Sharon found herself in the kitchen picking away at the wonderful chocolate cake a dear friend had brought her family as part of a supportive and appreciated meal. The problem was that Sharon was emotionally eating and headed towards eating the entire cake! Sharon knew this would not heal her heart and remembered her Emotional Ammo, “STOP! What I really need is….” Sharon decided to choose an activity that would raise her feel-good endorphins and actually help herself through her grief.

Sharon, who is a recreational cyclist, decided to choose one bike route that would become her “grieving bike ride”. She chose a route that was challenging for her and ended at the top of a difficult assent. Whenever she was grieving, she would hop on her bike and ride this specific route until she physically and emotionally felt some relief from her grief. Her experience has been life changing and symbolic of her stages of grief.

1. Bike Ride One: Cried the entire ride, actually wailed the entire time, but the physical exertion helped the crying to a crescendo and release; by the time I was to the top of the hill, I felt this huge release, both physically and emotionally.

2. Bike Ride Two: Same course, different experience. I was mad – so mad that my life hadn’t gone the way I had envisioned. Angry adrenaline rush, some pretty intense conversations that I wouldn’t want anyone else to hear. Lots of cursing in my dialogue about how life was unfair. I felt like I could conquer some of my demons when I reached the top of the hill.

3. Bike Ride Three: Felt so blah today. Numb from the pain and frustration. Hate to see my children hurting. Just my luck – a head wind! Slowed me down, way down, just surrendered that it would be a slower ride and a lot more difficult.

4. Bike Ride Four: Starting to like this course. I know when the hard hills are coming and can prepare for them. This feels familiar, not so frightening and overwhelming. Really feel victorious at the top of the hill.

5. Bike Ride Five: Reluctant to go but know I need this today. Oh no! A detour! I can’t handle a detour; I’m use to my course. This is bad for my mental game. I want to turn around; I can’t handle any deviation from what I expected. Hardest emotional day – the detour, the unexpected, life.

6. Bike Ride Six: Fell off and scraped up my leg, hated the music on my iPod shuffle, flat tire.

7. Bike Ride Seven: Went a different route, which I used to consider hard. It was nothing compared to my grieving ride. What a breeze.

8. Bike Ride Eight: So many interruptions. Had to stop at bike store to fix tire, forgot sunscreen, so went back. Had to stop at drugstore for something to eat.

9. Bike Ride Nine: Flat tire again! Called someone to come pick me up.

10 Bike Ride Ten: I’m not crying, not yelling, not scared, prepared for the unexpected, excited to conquer this hill one more time, thinking of everything I can conquer knowing that I can conquer a difficult ride, feel stronger than I’ve ever felt.

Let’s all find the better way to deal with emotions. When it is difficult, choose an activity to represent your hardship, and beat it in a constructive way. No more hurting ourselves with food, or other harmful indulgences!